Tag Archives: love

The Volume of Silence


“Can I talk to you?”

It’s a simple and specific request, yet sometimes we, who are asked the question, misunderstand it. There are times when someone will come to you, telling you that they need someone to talk to and thought you would be the one. But there are times when we do them a disservice by doing one thing…


There are times when someone approaches you with an issue and they need your insight on how they should handle it, but a lot of times we need to realize that this is not the case. There are people that will seek not your words, but your ears. Every conversation is not meant for us to show off our wisdom or insight on the topic being discussed. It’s not every time that someone needs to hear that what they’re saying is far fetched. A lot of times, they already know that. Sometimes they just have something they’ve been holding in and they just need to let it out.

Here are three reasons silence is the sometimes the best response:

The less you speak, the more you can observe.
We all tend to do it. Someone is telling us something and something they say triggers a response and now until we find the end of their point, we’re forming our response in our head to respond to that point. You can miss out on something more important than what you’re holding onto. I’ve been in conversations where everything shifted because in observing that how the person was talking spoke louder than what they were saying. But if I was hooked only on their words, I would’ve missed that and only get surface deep with them rather than getting to the root issue.

People tend to feed you the rough draft, not the edited version.
I don’t know about you but a lot of times, things that don’t make sense escapes this mouth. I know when I’m at work or when I’m speaking to a crowd of people that I need to really process what I’m about to say to avoid making a fool out of myself or offending someone. But when I’m with my closest friends and something is boiling in me, I have in my mind that I’m in a safe zone where I can let out my unprocessed thoughts and not feel judged and allowed to filter them out. Sometimes, we don’t need to be quick to correct someone. A lot of times, they know what they said doesn’t make sense. We need to be careful not to make someone feel as if their feelings aren’t valid. Let them let it out. When they ask you, then you can filter the nonsense with them, not for them.

The speaker feels like you care about them.
Some people don’t listen well because they care more about being heard. This tends to come off as if you have no concern for the person standing in front of you but you care more about your point getting across. When you actively listen without interrupting the person, they feel as though you actually care about what they’re saying. They don’t feel as if they’re trying to prove a point. Instead, they feel like you are hearing what they’re saying and validating their feelings. This even allows more acceptance for when you do respond to them. They feel that you’ve given them a chance to say what they need to say and that your response is coming from an understanding of their perspective.

So next time someone approaches you asking to talk to you, don’t steal their spotlight. Keep quiet. Let them speak. Stick to questions that simply guide them to go deeper. Refrain from quickly correcting. Believe me. You’ll see the difference in their interaction with you. Stay blessed.

“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;” -James 1:19



Tailor Made, No Regrets

“Be confident in what God has given you because He was confident when He gave it to you.”
-Brandon “B-Luv” Johnson

This Sunday that just passed, on the way to church, I was listening to the audio bible. I was going through the book of Exodus when Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt. I reached the point when the Lord gave Moses the Law and then He began to describe the tabernacle and how it should be built. He described it as I listened……and listened….and listened…and listened some more.

Now, let me inform you about my trip to church. I live in North Jersey and I go to church in Willingboro which is about an hour and some change away. (We will discuss that another time.) For about 30 minutes, I am listening as God describes to Moses exactly how He wants the tabernacle built. He’s telling him to not just use wood but a specific type of wood. He describes the exact color of threads He wants used. He describes the ark and how he wants two angels on it facing each other at a certain point. He goes in!!

It hit me. God is VERY big on detail. You can tell He does everything with precision. He sounds like a master chef describing to His apprentice the recipe for a dish and how to make it and is making sure it comes out right because He knows the apprentice’s work will reflect His. A few years ago, maybe even a year ago, I would probably grow restless and fast forward to a narrative part of the bible but I sat and listened and began to praise God. I’ll tell you why.

Anyone who’s ever played a game like NBA 2K or Madden or many sports and character games, there is sometimes an option to create your own player. You can choose things like height, weight, build, skin color, attributes from shooting style to dunking skills to speed, and many more. As games progressed, there is now an abundant amount of characteristics to choose from for your character. Now, usually to alleviate the time that this process asks for, most of these games give an option to “randomize your character” where the game randomly sets up attributes for your character and you take it as is. This, of course, saves time but what usually happens is that once you put the player to action, you begin to see things you would’ve done better or things you would’ve changed had you done it yourself. You then either delete and start over or just suck it up and go with the flow. After those chapters in Exodus, I know for a fact that God is not the randomizing type. When He creates, He personally puts His heart into every single detail.

This brings me to us. When God created you, He didn’t just fumble together random characteristics and throw you out into the world. You aren’t a product of chance but a creation formed by God’s own hands. Before you were in your mother’s wombs, He knew you (Jeremiah 1:5, Psalm 139:13). What does that mean? He never looks at you as you grow and says “Man! I should’ve done this better”. He is happy and content with all you are in Him. He personally is involved with every attribute of you, everything that makes up your physical, emotional, and spiritual self. He made you and called you good. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. If God puts so much emphasis on a structure like the tabernacle, how much more does He put emphasis and energy into making those who are made in His image?

So next time you begin to be insecure, remember that what you are doubting, God made. God is happy with who He’s made you so you should be too. He is the great artist and knows what He’s done. If you don’t feel the same, don’t say you’re useless but go to your Creator to find out your use. If you feel like you’re a nobody, go to your Maker and find your identity. You’re tailor made and God has no regrets.

Stay blessed.